How to become PCOS free :From the diary of PCOS Survivor Part- 2
As this the second part of series if you want to read the first part please click here
Hi all. Thank you so much for the huge response to the first part of series. Overwhelmed and filled up with facebook messages, personal mails and text messages by wonderful and innocent souls from all over the world. That shows the gravity of this PCOS problem. I already knew it. Was quite observing from many years while going through my own struggle. Even today when I go for my regular ultra-screening to keep in check whether everything is going right and watching there teenage girls with gloomy face and painful smile always skip my heart beat. Age of 13-14 years is the most precious age of childhood for any girl and it should be passed by having happy and cheerful life moments. In that age having sonographies, acute abdomenal pain, heaviest blood flow, exhausted energy, low blood count, thinning hairs and weight gain are certainly the biggest nightmare. I sincerely wish and pray everyday to God that no girl should ever face this situation. If you read “About Me” section of this website you will find the lines created by me.
She is the dreamer, who paints on the canvas of mind
Hiding the oceans behind her gleaming eyes
Alike a gentle breeze which can turn into rage of wind
Her heart knew the secret; that she too can create her own sky!
It’s not me alone. It’s every girl out there who has potential to build her own sky.These lines always reminds me every time when I stuck and become stagnant to any condition where I am not seeing any progress further. Be it personal life or professional. When any insult, humiliation, non-progressiveness gets my bottom on fire easily exact lines flashes out in mind just to remind me the fighting is worth to keep on. Otherwise all these efforts over the years, the hard work done, the prayers devoted, sleepless nights spent have no value if I give up.
I born and brought up in most challenging conditions. Today If I look back at those days I feel these are never the real one may be it was just a worst nightmare I faced and so over now. Surprisingly in those days too I used to think on the same line that this life is just a nightmare and this too shall pass! Just red about “Harnam Kaur” few days ago. A British woman who holds a beard due to her severe PCOD condition. Felt immensely proud about her because after getting bullied for years she didn’t break her confidence but turned her body shaming in different perspective. This type of bullying and harassment is not new at least for me. Chubby children are somewhat matter of discussion and great shame for parents, school, society. I can understand if it would have been a matter of choice for everyone to decide how they want to look. What shall be their colour, body type, texture, skin etc. Everyone would be looked like a clones then! I always wonder if it is not in my hand how I will look like then who gave the right to few people to judge , to laugh , to make fun of a person’s looks and disabilities? I am the product of my parents and my family so I will acquire the physic as per the genetic norms of my ancestors. Whether I am fair or black, slim or fat, bald or hairy I am simply forwarding the genes of family then how would I become the culprit of my hereditary obesity? Of course the question remain silent for years and years till date.
HOW WORLD WELCOMES YOU WHILE YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY OF BECOMING PCOD OBESE:-
It is not the matter of mental and physical harassment. Moreover I would like to know when there are millions of girls all over the world are suffering from PCOD and obesity issues how many girls got the proper solution and solace from elders? In how much time their problem resolved or least what efforts have been taken to direct them at proper therapies. Percentage of positive answers to these questions are least expected. Simply because no one cares. In the most progressive cultures where to speak, to discuss about periods is still regards as shame. In my vicinity I used to hear women talking on the issue as “These are trifle things, after marriage everything will be alright!” Hearing these views and after scratching head infinite times I did not find connection that how my PCOS shall be gone once I enter in the fairy land of marriage?
MY CHILDHOOD AS PCOS FIGHTER:-
The picture you are watching its me. Yes I was merely 15 years that time. At the bodyweight of 80=85 kg. mostly its fat. No muscles at all. Flabbiness all over and wondering what is there for me in the Pandora box of life.
Physical pain was just unbearable. Heavier menstrual flow used to imbibe my all physical, mental energy and severe pain at pelvic region used to crush my self-esteem and confidence to the gloomiest level. At the age of 15 I was bed ridden due to severe menstrual flow and irregular monthly periods which used to occur alternate 10 – 15 days in a month. I was just dragging my Swelled body, lowest blood count, gained weight of 85 kg and depressed mind to walk further.
Those were the days when everybody used to comment loosely about my ugliness, or fatter body and rather being socialise I preferred spending most of time sitting at home. My work used to be consisting of write anything , everything I feel and then tear down these papers so that no one could see it. I remember many times being alone in room standing before the mirror I used to say myself every now and then like;
“What if I am like this? I can change this! I don’t know HOW but I know one day everything will be changed and I will be the most beautiful and healthy girl I ever known. & who says I am ugly. I don’t admit what papa says or what other people says. I simply deny to admit their views. In my view I am the most beautiful and good looking girl. People can’t see it. It’s their fault. The beauty of my heart, my mind and my spotless soul is beyond their imagination”……….
That time I didn’t know anything about mind power or law of attraction or positive affirmations. Though I was applying the power of subconscious mind but it was unintentional and ignorant then. I spent hours in gloomy meditations, tears, thirst to search for proper solutions to my situation, writing down about my future do’s and don’ts. Because the desire to come out from that situation was unbreakable, intense and intact.
INITIAL TREATMENTS FOR PCOS:-
Well the treatment initially I got for my PCOS was quietly the inauspicious one. At the age of 16 the first treatment was putting me on mild contraceptive pills. Yes you got it right. I put down on mild contraceptive pills known as “Overol L(21).” No offence to the doctor. No doctor gives you treatment in order to harm your health. Doctors work as per the principles they have learned in their medical education. Every pathy follows certain rules of treatment. As per as allopathy is concern I observed in PCOS case that if you opt out for the allopathic treatment you will be given medicines either to increase your hormones or decrease your hormones. That means if your oestrogen and progesterone levels are disturbed or not secreting hormones correctly then the superficial hormones will be given from outside to correct the flow. Seems legit but it does not work that way for many or countless cases. I have taken these contraceptive pills for 3-4 months whenever prescribed by the doctor . Result?? Disastrous! Destructive!! Detrimental!! I gained 15 kg additional weight , Whole body was swollen, Eyes were popping out, no energy, no strength, no stamina, I got bulges all over, hairs were thinning and male pattern baldness had appeared. It did not reduce my heavy blood flow or huge blood clots. You can see how was my situation.
SO IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND IF YOU HAVE ANY TEENAGE GIRL IN YOUR HOME TAKING ANY HORMONE PILLS FOR PCOS I PRAY YOU FOLDING MY BOTH HANDS PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT PUNISH HER FOR BEING A GIRL! IF YOU ARE WATCHING ADVERSE SYMPTOMS ON HER BODY PLEASE PAY ATTENTION! & STOP MEDICATION!
SUMMERY OF THE DAYS I SPENT AS SELF ABUSER ON PCOD:-
Today when I look back those days I think the memories are bitter but the lessons learned are precious. Any dream is difficult till the time you are holding it back in your mind. When you open your mind and watch possibility everywhere you will find a little light and direction of a footstep towards different path. The element of fear never let you cross the lines you draw for yourself. That’s not completely your fault though. The words and phrases like “you are a dud” , “ you are a useless child”, “ you are a garbage”, “you are idiot shit of a waste paper” these impressions which imprinted on your mind from time to time built the darker passages of fear, disbelief, self-hate and this never allows you to try something different than the norms, trust on something which is otherwise impossible.
“I believe that every child has faced this situation. To do a grand or grander acts in life you don’t really need to be rich, well equipped, powerful and abundant with resources. You just need a firm , hard pat on your back from someone like your parents or teachers or uncles, who says “ You can do it kiddo, I believe in you. I believe in your potential, be courageous, Just do it.” Trust me those “kiddo” who are well supported from their loved one usually are the much confident and well going humans in their life because they are nurtured by love! No potential in this world could be unhidden, undeveloped if nurtured with care and love. When the environment is vice versa or extremely adverse than mentioned earlier where children who grown up and just tried mimicking to be in the body and stature of an adult are the one who are emotionally, mentally broken down from inside. Most of the adults are not at all adults in real sense. They are just people acting to be grown up but inside them that sad, grumpy, upset child is always alive who shade his tears for the wounds and insults he faced in the childhood. So their broken, depressed, sombre mind set never offers them a relief and strength to follow something different, something unconventional, something never heard before paths.” Period.
Many children may not have this kind of support in their life but still these individuals succeeds after a lot of struggle to establish their identity. There is no such thing in life as complete black or complete white. It’s always a mixture or a collage. Whether you have someone by your side or you are completely alone the road is still open for you to take up.
There is no point to highlight more what kind of a treatment I got from society and how I was humiliated. This humiliation part is true for everyone who is going through the tough conditions whether physically or mentally. Sometimes you need to learn the lessons of love, light, kindness, sympathy through the extreme abuse, insults, roughest treatment from your loved one. These are the karmic lessons. Unless and until you go through this you won’t realise what it takes to be special and complete person you destined to be. Just like the law of attraction this is the absolute law of karma. Don’t attach too much with the memories of past. As its useless and it hinders your future progress.
NEW DESTINATIONS, NEW CHALLENGES:
Just after completing B.A. in English literature; I hailed my way to pune for the inception of my LL.B. degree. Again the initial days were the toughest one and I had to do lot of adjustments to be accustomed with the lifestyle. Needless to say adjustments were most difficult on physical, mental, emotional levels as the degree of harassment, insult, humiliation was advance while learning and competing with the financially rich and well to do pedigree in equally reputed educational institute. Skipping to the gloomiest LL.B. degree part my concern was with the hygiene and food. Rooms I got to live in were the dirtiest one. When the capacity of room is to accommodate 3 girls; land lady had stuffed up 6 girls in that room including me. I felt like being a piglet thrown away in the pond cage and so we all girls were in that clumsy overcrowded room angry, grumpy, and irritated with each other as there hardly had any place to seat or move comfortably except our beds. Two bathrooms with inbuilt western commode system for 16 girls. Commodes used to be filled with dirt & period pads. There were always had a huge quarrels between the girls apparently for no reason. The place was on fourth floor and no permission was granted to us to use the lift unless and until we pay extra money for that. & No other facilities except electricity. She charged Rs. 40,000/- for a 5 feet place to live for the period of one year. Nevertheless that’s the price you pay for the brand and goodwill of your educational career. My tiffin’s used to be scariest one with daily surprizes of human nails, hairs, spikes, stones etc. Today even today I pray daily to the “Mother Universe” that no any student shall face this kind of situation I faced earlier.
While learning in law college all my strength, stamina, capacity as a former sportsman was crushed away over the period of time in absence of proper food, rest, hygiene. I gained the weight on higher scale & body was swelling more and more like overloaded sack of potato. I didn’t have any time or knowledge to do medical check-up. PCOS condition was growing and multiplying and was sucking up my mental, physical, emotional energy and happiness. I used to wonder why ALL the girls are looking normal and beautiful except me? Whether I do fasting for hours and days in a week , whether I run for 10 kms at our ILS college ground, Whether I do cycling for hours and hours in college gym weight scales were never dropped even for 100 gms also. You can imagine how frustrating that was to see every time while weighing on scale and seeing your body is not moving a shit of fat at all. No need to say this had huge impact on my academic curriculum and educational grades.
EMBARKATION INTO TREASURE OF “SECRET” & LAW OF ATTRACTION:-
Just like other people I too introduced to the documentary called “Secret” by “Rhonda Byrne.”(If you do not know about it please click here to get more info about it) The credit goes to one of the respected and senior advocate from a law firm where I used to do internship. It was my third and final year of LL.B. course. My routine in those days were like from 7 a.m. to 11 a.m. college and thereon from Bhandarkar road to Shivajinagar district court going through walk. Approx. distance from college to court was 3-4 kilometres (I used to walk a lot those days having a foul hope in mind that it will reduce my weight. No my weight did not reduce. If you have internal hormone imbalance and especially PCOS; heavy exercises like 10 km walking or running, jogging will do more harm than good and keep in mind it will not at all reduce any fat from your body. Instead it will make you fatigue, tired and saggy). Sir arranged special screening of “Secret” at his home and fondly invited us all as he himself wanted to watch the documentary with us. While watching secret that was Eureka moment for me. Suddenly all these years, that struggle, darkness, pain I suffered flashed before eyes for a second or two. I realised in spite of having purely negative environment and burden of detest from near and dear ones my mind set never changed its status from being positive to negative. My hope never died in that process and due to inherent gift of loneliness the infinite hours spent in the meditation, thinking about mind power was finally endorsed by the world class, world fame successful mind wizards and entrepreneurs like Joe Vitale, Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield, John Assaraf and all the other contributors to “Secret.” Indeed incredible time it was listening to this documentary for the first time in that amazing evening while in the beautiful house of our most respected senior.
MY INSIGHTS ABOUT LAW OF ATTRACTION:-
I knew about it like from childhood I unintentionally applied it many times. I always believed that what mind can conceive your body can achieve philosophy, when I tried to say or express it nobody believed and after many years these intellectually, materialistically, spiritually prosperous mind masters saying me the same thing which I cherished for years! I remember the date it was 10 July 2010. Exactly on second day i.e. on 11 july 2010 I wrote 10 pages long post in my diary just don’t remember the whole content but at the end I did write that I am taking the full responsibility of my life and being healthy, disease free, being beautiful, being happy and prosperous is my inherent right and I am going to conquer it at any cost. A flame blazed in heart and journey towards new path and new destination began from that moment!
As I decided the article could not be completed in this part too. So instead of dragging I would stop here. Will continue journey in the next part. Please stay tune to simply Anjali. Stay healthy, Stay blessed because that’s the innermost purpose of life!